Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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