I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
