I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
