ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
