Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
