I met the friendliest cop last night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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