the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
