I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
