Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
