hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
