You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
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I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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