if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
