operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
it's like iHOP with fire
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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