guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
