the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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