Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
