there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Do vagina's smell?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
