dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
