omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize