I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
