a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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