I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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