Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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