We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
