Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
