i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
this hospital has no fireball
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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