So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
