My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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