And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You dont lie about slip and slides
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
