On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
