either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
