$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Still dying that you shit outside
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The power of my boobs compel you
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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