Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
