I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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