Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
