totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
