I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
