Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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