Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
