i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
