He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
