It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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