ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
