i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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