3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
