a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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