it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
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Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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