You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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