Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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