stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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