3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he fucked my hip out of place.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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