don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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