Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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