the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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