It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
