Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
