If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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