I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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