So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
foreskin is a definite game changer
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
