Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
