Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize