I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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