The maid of honor just puked.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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