Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
