I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
