he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
