I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
