We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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