Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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