Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
