She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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